Find Rest, O My Soul

"I can sit silently and wait for God to act. Because I remember what the Lord did in the past, I take my rest in the present." -Cecil Murphey

When I walked in darkness, I lived in constant expectation that something would go wrong. It was an attempt at preparing myself, bracing myself, for the fall that I knew would happen. It also meant that I was living in constant fear and anxiety. I was never at rest. I would never allow myself to fully enjoy the wonderful moments of life, because they meant doom was lurking around the corner.

And I did fall- often. And circumstances did get grim- often. And again and again God carried me, whispering into my stubborn heart, "I've got you. I always have you. I am here. You can trust me."

In those days- the many days before I knew Jesus, the days that I hung desperately onto the hope of a God- I was thankful that there was someone greater than me, than my life. I always looked back onto circumstances with a glad heart that He once again carried me through. But I did not rest in His faithfulness. I did not trust in His constancy.

Fast forward to these days that I walk in Light. I am surrendered and inching my way into His glorious hands of peace. I know that the hardships will still come- yet I also know I won't be overcome with hopelessness and helplessness when they do. He is here to carry me through, as He's always been. Something in me has changed. I don't walk around in expectation, filled with fear and dread. Instead I stand in readiness, knowing that I am armored in His strength and blessed with His guidance. I stand ready to trust.

I can rest. I am free to live, to enjoy the beauty, to bask in His light, because He also stands in readiness- ready to catch me, ready to embrace me, ready to guide me, ready to love.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone. _{(Psalm 62:5)}